I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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