how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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