So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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