but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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