you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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