That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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