I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize