My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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