I CAN MOONWALK!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize