i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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