I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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