His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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