Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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