just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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