i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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