you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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