no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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