I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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