the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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