I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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