i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
3 2 1 whiskey
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize