Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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