I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
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At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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