i will never coherently bang her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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