just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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