OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize