I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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