matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize