Someone shit on the floor
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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