I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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