so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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