dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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