I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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