All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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