Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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