He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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