I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize