I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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