On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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