I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize