wakey wakey hands off snakey
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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