If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize