We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize