I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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