just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize