see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize