I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize