things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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