At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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