So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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